Coaches Are Not Hot

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I had a conversation with someone who was telling me about an AHL hockey game they went to and how after the game they met number so and so and how hot he was! So I googled number so and so to concur that he was hot and what instantly struck me was his date of birth: 1991! I felt old. Really old! I have no idea if he was hot or not I was instantly sucked in to an I am old hole. I frantically looked at the dates of births on the rest of this roster and found two players my age and no one older. After the depression wore off I began to think about how I was only going to get older and rosters were only going to get younger so I am going to need to look for spank bank material somewhere more age appropriate; bring on the coaching staff.

After going through all 16 NFL head coaches it became apparent that coaches fall in to one of three categories.

Coaches who have boobies; New England’s Bill Belichick, New York’s Rex Ryan,  Oakland’s Tom Cable and Philadelphia’s Andy Reid.

Coaches who seem like they would want you to do weird sex things:  Miami’s Tony Sparano, Jacksonville’s Jack Del Rio and  Tennessee’s Jeff Fisher.

Coaches who look good but it might only be in comparison to the other 13; Pittsburgh’s Mike Tomlin, Kansas City’s Todd Haley and Josh McDaniels (technically he is unemployed).

So needless to say the options are limited.  Maybe someday I look to assistant coaching staff but until then I will just shave 2 more years off my date of birth  allowing some more time with the roster.


2 responses to “Coaches Are Not Hot

  1. Oh my gosh this piece made me laugh!
    Girl, I know you don’t like soccer, but can I just tell you that some soccer coaches ARE hot, even ones that are older than me (and I’m even older than you). Pep Guardiola of Barcelona cuts a rather dashing figure on the sideline, as does Jose Mourinho (Real Madrid), Roberto Mancini (Manchester City) and Joachim Loew (Germany)… metrosexual eurotrash all, but easy on the eyes .

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