It is time to bring back the Naked Patriot!

I’m not worried about who is going to wave their hand in the end zone indicating a fair catch or who is going to fill in at cornerback if things get really dismal. I am worried about who is going to be naked in the locker room. Troy Brown never failed to pop up on Mohegan Sun Sports Tonight, New England Tailgate, PVN or the local WHDH with less than the average amount of clothing. Sometimes it was just one or two pieces missing but I am pretty sure I have seen the scrambled pixels over Troy’s pigskin on at least one occasion. As a woman I have never been able to hang out in a locker room naked or even close to naked. Sorry to disappoint the men but women’s locker rooms do not look like a “Vivid Video” set. It is more like a who’s who of who you don’t want to see naked. Women are too insecure, even the hot ones, to walk around a locker room showing full frontal, especially if it’s on fire. Add cameras, reporters, coaches, and god forbid Felger, and any woman would want to be covered fashionably with perfect lighting. Troy is not the only New England Patriot to show some sweaty pec, furry shoulders or perky nipples (thank you Wes Welker), but Troy was a naked guy you could count on. Troy was consistently naked on camera after every game, practice, preseason, postseason, every season. As this season of Patriots football is turning the final corner I’m watching all the shows looking to see who will fill these cleats. I’m asking myself, “Who will take on pivotal position?” No one seems ready to take on the reigns of naked guy; no one has emerged as a frontal runner. This is a commitment and will take a lot of hard work. Troy never once looked uncomfortable and that is a skill. I have seen a shirtless Laurence Maroney and Brandon Meriweather, but not consistently and not with the confident stance that Troy had. Like many other women out there I have my hopes and dreams of who will become the Naked Patriot, but deep down I know it will not be who you think, or who you want, but you will learn to love him and his important roll on the team. The worst-case scenario is that no one stands in the circle listening to a Bellichick post-game monotone speech wearing only what appears to be a washcloth hanging on a doorknob. I know as a fan I would be very happy if Troy was brought back, even if only to wave that one hand for a fair catch. Then I would know on post-game coverage I would be getting some Brown nudity, and the team would be complete for the 2009 season regardless of the record.

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One response to “It is time to bring back the Naked Patriot!

  1. Pingback: Troy Brown! « Sports for Bitches

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